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So yeah I'm pregnant and so far its goin exactly the way its supposed to go. I purchased my first pregnant bathing suit for spring break and that made me very happy. I've had all the symptoms and hopefully I'm through with most of my morning sickness. Me and Jonathan are not on good terms still and I don't think I want to be. Its just some things that have happened in the past couple of days that just confirm what I should do. Sunday, I told him that I was going to hang out with David, who is my ex and my best friend. I don't want him at all and Jonathan knows this. Jonathan was kewl with it. Me and David went to the mall in Charlotte and hung out and then went to the movies. I get home, Jonathan is still kewl, and then he says that he's laying down because he has work in the morning. My response was yeah. For some reason that set him off and I could feel it through the phone so I said I was going to bed. I was tired, I fell asleep on the way home so I already knew I wasn't going to last long when I got in bed so he definitely showed that he had an attitude. And then, now pay attention that when I told him I was hanging out with David it was at 5:00 p.m., he asks if David is my ex. Really though? Hours later is when you decide to be jealous because you have an attitude? That was it. You can't even trust me and what you were showing me for a couple weeks was false. I don't have to lie, I don't have to cheat, play games or anything. If I tell you that I'm hanging out with someone instead of keeping that to myself, then OBVIOUSLY I'm being honest and trustworthy. He doesn't know how to treat a relationship. He doesn't know how to be with me because he's never been with someone quite like me. I'm a bad ass woman because I'm confident and I'm loyal and I'm not afraid to tell you like it is, whether that hurts your feelings or not. I can't always be pissed and stressed and everything in between. It gets to a point where you give up and honestly, I think I'm a hair's length away from it. I feel better when we aren't together and when we don't see each other because there isn't a weight on my shoulder. Not a heavy weight but a weight nonetheless because he doesn't know how to talk. Three shots and you are out with me. If I ask three times and you don't say shit then that's it. Don't try to say anything after that third because I will interrupt you and talk over you because I don't want to hear shit you have to say. Period. I don't have patience and I have anger problems. I'm just glad that I have my Piglet and friends and family that care so much for me and love and support me through everything that I'm dealing with and I have God, a big thing to me. I am definitely grateful and growing up the way I'm supposed to be. I know I will be a great mother.


I'm pregnant. Yeah, its crazy but now I love it and I'm looking forward to the baby. I'm about ten weeks now. I've been through crazy morning sickness, cravings, sore back, swollen feet, tiredness, etc. Its crazy. And then I broke up with the baby daddy about 3 weeks ago and he wouldn't text or call and I tried to work it out but it was like... no. I can't with you and so I definitely ended it but surprise surprise, he's texting me again. Wanting me back for good and that's.... weird to be honest, but I told him that he had to take me out for Valentine's Day before I even think of giving him another chance. Period. We need to have a talk and then we need to go out on a date and then its not over from there. SUPPOSEDLY he said that he got his truck back but then this dumbass said that he's going to send it back to get a paint job. WHAT??????? You just got this shitty truck back after months of not having it and then you are going to send this shitty truck to get a paint job. Really? Does that seem smart to you? It doesn't sound that smart to me but I'm not even going to say anything about that, at least not right now I'm not. School is good so far this semester but I did have a slight hiccup the first week because on my schedule it says that my class is Mondays and Wednesdays but then I went Wednesday and no one was there and then the next week we didn't have a class on Monday so Wednesday no one was there again and that pissed me off so much. And the hormonal changes in pregnancy is so real. I thought it wouldn't get me but it definitely did. I will be okay, laughing and joking, and then the next second, even half of a second, I'm cussing someone out because they said the wrong word or looked the wrong way or something. Last week I cussed out this little gay white boy named Matt. He is so fucking annoying for the most part because he puts on a front in front of people to get attention instead of being himself. He almost got beat up yesterday and this is only the fourth week. I just don't get it. And then I'll cry at night because I think of how much I already love the baby and it makes my heart sing. I've already given it a boys name if it turns out to be a boy. His name will be Jonathan James-Jermaine Oglesby-Powell. Yes its long but that's the name that's going to stick and no one will get me to change my mind on that. I haven't came up with the girls name yet but its going to be beautiful and unique. I've told everybody now except for my family in Ohio and everyone seems excited for me. Momma is starting to come to the light. When she first found out, she wanted me to immediately get an abortion and I was so in shock that I agreed but when the day came, on the way I freaked the fuck out and then numbed myself completely so I wouldn't have to face it. When we got to the place, there were OF COURSE protesters in the street and everything and that scared momma and then when we went inside it was so packed that there wasn't a seat left. And then I forgot my ID. That was a sign from God that it wasn't the right decision. Even to this day I haven't been afraid or scared to have the baby. I'm more afraid to get the abortion, even though I still support it but it wasn't for me at all. And then there's this girl at school who I hate. I haven't hated someone in a while but I hate her. She's a drama; a person who takes what people say to her, flip it and then spread that shit like wildfire. She has more than 20 people hating her and then the others that hang out with her say they like her BUT.... there's always a but. Its like, be fucking honest for heaven's sake. You don't like her like that so stop pretending you do. I don't even give her the pleasure of a glance and then she had the nerve to try and talk to me yesterday when I came in to talk to my friend. No bitch. I don't have shit to say because I don't like your ass and you wont even get half a word from me. I ignore her like she's the plague and I'm the solution to the problem. Ugh... this year is going to be the best and hardest year of my life. Seriously. More to come later



2014: New and old Problems

So its January 1, 2014 now and the last time I wrote on here was at the beginning of last year. Go figure, right? Anyways, new boys, new problems, new heart breaks but this time because of me. Ugh... sucks. Last year, I got around a little bit. Took on a new job. Met a guy while working. Name was Brandon. He took me on a date and then after that date, we walked, talked, kissed, and then fucked in his car. Oh, and I spent the night but not because I wanted to but because I needed to. I was heading home at 1 something in the morning and I was tired so he offered me to sleep with him. We didn't do anything again but we did fuck 2 other times. He was good in bed but he didn't last long. Used a condom, of course but then I ended it because of him not lasting long and the extreme distance. Later, met a guy named Willy. Of course, on the job. He lived with his mom. Ugh... these guys were both 28. Anyways, was friends with benefits STRICTLY with him. Liked him just a little bit and I know that he liked me a lot more than I liked him so I told him 3 times that if he wanted more then all he had to do was ask. Then I saw him in the day time without a shirt and I was like.... No. His body was weird but then he started acting like a possessive paranoid boyfriend and I ended it. I couldn't do it anymore. And then months later, after I quit my job to go back to school because the job was in Charlotte and it was full time and school started when the job was supposed to start. I met this guy named Ty. I knew he was just going to be a Right Now kind of guy. Nice enough to have a relationship with but he was also 19, no job, or car, and was a douche bag more than once and then got mad when I responded. Bitch, what? No, ain't gonna work so I dumped his ass as well. And then maybe a week after I dumped him, the latest and last guy was Jonathan. And I fell for him. Hard. He was the sweetest and most funny and gentle and lovable guy. Downsides: 5 kids, lived with his momma, car was in the shop so no car, no job, crazy baby mama, and my momma didn't like him because he was 32. Yeah, 32. But I loved him so much. And the first time I went over to his place, I walked in and it felt like I was in a family meeting and I was the subject. That's what it felt like but it wasn't that way. And then they started talking about something and I just got on Temple Run and occasionally answered when spoken to and then he took me in the room and we were talking about books and everything. And then these kids came in there and I met them. Not his, of course. And we talked and listened to a lot of music and it was nice and I kissed him. He kept askin me what I was thinking so I just kissed him. And then later that kissing turned into something else. I would have been fine without the strings but he wouldn't have so I accepted his askin me out afterwards. And now I've fucked up. Big time and there's nothing to do about it because he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. He deleted me off Facebook, he doesn't call, he didn't respond to the message I sent him. I've been breaking down and having a hard time with it. He's supposed to be going to Greensboro in February but I hope he doesn't go to school later this month because I know I won't be able to handle seein his face. Especially since I'm pregnant with his baby. Yeah, pregnant. Thought I wouldn't ever say that until after my career and school but I haven't had my period in a month, having cravings and now having morning sickness. Kinda obvious what it is that's causing this. So now I have to tell my mom. Ugh... I don't know how she's going to take it because I'm pregnant around the same age that my mom had me so its like history repeating itself but this time, I'm going to finish school and I will become somebody. Period. Even if I have to abort the baby to accomplish it but the more I think about the baby, the more I want it because its the last thing I have of him. Our love was strong and real and it sucks to say that. I hope one day we can come together again. I really have that feeling but I don't know if he's goin to talk to me any time soon. I'm just goin to back off, cry here and there, and try to move on as best as I can but I definitely know I'm goin to have a single year because I cannot be getting into something else. Especially now. Me and David were broken up for a while but we still communicate a lot but we hardly see each other. I just hope that Jonathan will talk to me. I need him more than I ever realized but I refuse to chase after a guy that is used to exes chasing him. I will not do that because he's goin to tell his boys, they are going to laugh and I'm goin to be the butt of the joke. Now I'm starting to cry and it hurts. It hurts so much. It feels like part of my soul is gone and my heart is trying hard not to let me feel the full pain but sometimes it lets me feel more and it.... I fucked up. I fucked up and there's nothing I can think of to do. The only thing I can do is give it a week and then keep messagin him nonsense until he responds to something. I just need him right now. Anyways, that's all I have to say.


Pooh Bear

Random emotions

I'm still thinking about Thomas. It keeps sending tingles down my spine. Just the way he looked at me, the way he touched my hair in the car, the way he rubbed my thigh and how he just opened up to me the way he did. Its crazy. It makes me smile and it makes me feel good. To know that I mispredicted him is great because he's not what he looks like. He dresses and talks like a player but that's an outer shell. He's full of sweetness, kindness, and love. I think he could love and maybe get married but at the same time I don't think that he's willing to settle for just someone. I don't know. His hair is so beautiful, even though it did stink a little and he needs to get it redone so it can be a little tighter but I just loved running my fingers through it and rubbing his cheek. Yeah, I really like him but we shall see where it goes. If the feelings get stronger or just stay the same. Lol I'm crazy

And then my boyfriend surprised me by coming to visit me. That made me very happy because I haven't seen him since last week. I missed him. I know a lot of guys couldn't handle me because I am a more sexual person and more demanding than they are probably used to but I think that's also the reason why guys do like me and tend to fall for me because I am different and they like that because I'm not afraid to be myself.

Anyway, that's enough for the update right now




Yesterday wasn't very productive. I slept most of the day. Went to sleep around 5 something and didn't wake up til almost 10 so not very productive. But while I was asleep Thomas texted me. I didn't know because I was knocked out but he texted around half past 6. We hadn't texted each other that whole day then when I finally decided to take a nap, which turned into a power nap, he just had to text and I just had to be knocked out for that. So I texted him back and told him I was sleeping and then from that point on we talked until around half past 3. I knew eventually he would get tired because I knew for a fact that I wasn't going to sleep for a long time because I woke up so late. So he finally said that he was sleepy so he said goodnight and I stayed up til around 5 ish and then went back to sleep. So yeah, not much of nothing. Talked to my baby for a few minutes. We don't really have conversations on the phone. Its basically just hey, how are you? What are you doing? And then that's about it. I'm glad that I can actually talk to Thomas with more than just the basics. Right now, I'm just listening to music and watching tv. But anyways, that's it for now.

Love ya. See ya.


Last night

Last night was great. So my momma had a party last night for her birthday week. I didn't stay long. Just for about an hour and then some. And then Thomas came and picked me up. We decided we were going to a movie but we didn't know what we were going to see. He let me drive after about 5 minutes and that was kewl and he let me listen to my music. I wanted to sing to all the music but I was quiet at first and a little standoffish because I didn't want to get too close just in case my feelings for him were right. So we got to the movies and there were a lot of teenagers. We decided to see Jack Reacher and then we bought the tickets and started walking the mall. The stores were closed but we still looked through the windows and checked things out. Turns out that he wants to change the way he dresses. He doesn't want to dress the way he is now for some reason or other. I didn't ask so we kept walking and then we were about to leave without checkin out my store at that mall, BCBG MAXAZRIA. I love that store. It has so much individual fashion that you won't find at other places. And then he said, "What's so special about this store?" And when he said that I wanted to slap him in the face. So I had to explain to him that it was a top designer store and that a lot of people who love unique fashion loves that store. So he just laughed and we kept on walking. We hit each other a few times and then he kept trying to hold my hand and wrap his arm around me and he kept wanting a kiss but I continued to shrug him off and not kiss him until I felt right about it. So we got to the movies and I promise you, the number of teenagers tripled. So we went into the movie and we just kept playin with each other and then he went and got some nachos and some drinks. The movie was okay but it was all expected and I don't like movies like that unless I've read the books. So we talked during the movie and stuff and then I finally decided to kiss him. He has big soft lips. But he only got that one kiss on the lips. And I kissed his forehead a lot and played with his hair and his ear. Turns out the hot spot is the ear. And then he tried to get smart with me and so I yanked his hair hard. Lol that hurt him and he stopped. And afterwards we drove around and just talked and had a VERY VERY nice time alone. So... yeah. Can't wait til next week though

Love ya. See ya


P.S. We didn't have sex so it looks like I really did stick to my first date rule but we came damn close to it but I'm glad we didn't because we have agreed to take it a little slower than that. I think this is going to be a great thing.

Nervous and not Nervous. Ya know?

Haven't been on in a while so now its time to vent about my current situation. Don't know where I left off in the previous one but a few things first. This year has been okay but not okay. Very hard. Went through a job with the same woman a lot of times and she lost her business, yet again. Long story short, I've been out of a job for a few months. The sucky part is that I have been looking for a job but the people who are hiring won't call back and everyone else isn't hiring, which fucking sucks. This summer, I went to Florida. Went to Disneyworld, Sea World, and this other place but I forgot the name of it. Went to the beach with my baby. Still with him. Almost three years in a few months. Can't wait for that. Got kicked out of my dads house in February and moved in with my boyfriends mom so that also sucked because I definitely didn't want to impose but she gladly took me in. And then I got tired of being here so I moved in with my mom and her boyfriend. Its weird so I hardly stay over there but for a few nights at a time because its awkward and they expect more out of me than what they think I'm actually doing. Someone was driving my car, rolled through a stop sign and got a ticket, also didn't have insurance so they took the car and impounded it. My mom paid, again, like she's been doing for everything since I've been out of work. Unemployment ran out so that also sucks. Need to file again. Ugh... but this summer was actually good. I actually put on some weight, which sucks, but after 2013 comes, I'm definitely sticking to my plan of losing it all because I'm tired of always procrastinating and givin up. I'm not a failure and I can do this.

On to the situation at hand right now. Well, there's this guy named Thomas that I've really liked for a long time. Don't know why. Just do. I think its because he's real with me and he actually acts like a man. My boyfriend is definitely a little boy most of the times and that's not where I'm at in my life. Sometimes I don't know how I'm going to make it through. It's just hard at times but we make it. But Thomas is someone I can have casual sex with and know that it wouldn't effect my feelings in either way, shape or form but I don't know if I can say the same for him. We met during this job that we did together. He had nice dreads but I didn't like him right off bat but I noticed that he continuously stared at me. I mean, I think he really thought he had pulled it off but he didn't. He liked me since day one and has really liked me since day two. I already knew that he wanted to get in my pants but I also know that he really is a gentleman who won't try to get with me knowing that I have a boyfriend and I'm loyal to him when we aren't having an open relationship. So one day, he gave me his number and we took it from there. The first time he texted me, I was at Carowinds with one of my close friends, even though we aren't as close now, and it was great. And that was last year, almost two years ago. At first, he really did talk to me but most of it was trying to get in my pants and after a while he realized that I'm not that kind of girl so he toned it down a lot and actually started getting to know me. Now he actually texts me first, sometimes he will call and really talk. Sometimes we talk for a few hours which is crazy cuz I'm not really a talking person on the phone. I'd rather text because I don't want to talk on the phone and not see your reaction to the things I tell you and vice versa.

So a few days ago, last week, we decided that we couldn't take it anymore, all the flirtation, all the getting closer and blah blah blah, so we decided to meet up. Well, that was last week and he asked the date and I told him the 5th. But what I didn't take into perspective was the fact that at midnight, it will officially be the New Year and which will also be January 1st. Which means the 5th is Saturday. SATURDAY!!!!! When I finally realized my mistake, it was too late because it was already set and I was ready. I'm still ready but I'm nervous. So nervous. I mean, seriously. Its crazy because I'm really excited and want to fuck his brains out but then I'm like "What am I going to wear? Should I put on makeup or slight makeup? Should I wear a dress? Should I curl or straighten my hair? Should I wear heels? What if he doesn't like the sex? Will he stop talking to me after he gets it?" While I'm thinking of all that, he actually tells me that he is just as excited, he wants to spoil me because he's finally getting what he's wanted since day one, a simple date with me. I mean, seriously. He is taking me on a date and letting me take all the decisions on whether we should have sex or not. I'm not the type of girl that has sex on the first night. Never have and hopefully never will after Saturday. But if everything goes great then maybe but that's a slight maybe. I just don't know. Now, I'm not opposed to having sex the second date. That doesn't bother me at all. It just matters of chemistry and things like that. Its crazy. I haven't met up with him since the job. All I've done is talk and text. Meeting up is a completely different matter all together. What are we going to talk about? What is it going to be like? Are my nerves going to get the best of me at the last minute?

Don't get me wrong. I'm a very sexual person. Once I'm going its hard to stop. And I absolutely love to tease but if I tease then I will take it all the way, unless its my boyfriend because its fun. But I don't see the point in a girl teasing and leaving the guy like that, especially if they aren't even a couple. That's crazy to me. But I'm definitely sexual and not afraid. I definitely have curves, I'm bigger than I was, not too big thank goodness, but I'm not ashamed of my body. I know I'm beautiful. I know guys like me, usually at first glance because I think its the confidence I wear with myself. I'm not afraid to show some skin. That doesn't bother me. I have natural big boobs, my butt isn't that big but its small and curvy and perky which makes it awesome. So that's not the issue. But its him that's the issue but I've never been nervous when it comes to sex. I've always been able to relax and enjoy but this will seriously be the second dick I've ever had because I'm bisexual and I've had mostly girls. Ugh.. I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!

But I'm ready. I'm ready for whatever possibly happens.

Needed to let that out.




okay. i have no clue where i left off so whatever. anyways, me and my boyfriend, david, are great. he messed up a few days ago but i finally forgave him. school is almost over and then im taking off this summer because i seriously dont want to stay where im at any longer than i necessarily have to. moving out of my parents' house next month. its time to go and become the adult that i know i am now. im starting to hang out with friends i havent seen in months or a year. its like we never stopped hanging out. at all. and thats the awesome part

VENTING STAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what's up with all these people getting pregnant? i can understand if you are over 21, i guess, but these young girls that aren't even 13 yet? and the ones still in high school? come on now. grow up and be safe. that only sends one message around the world. SLUT!!! and there are other words for this one.

seriously, get a fucking life and stop polluting our earth with more babies if you cant even take care of them. personally, i dont WANT kids and if i got pregnant right now, there's only one thing i would do


if you don't want the kid then a woman has every right to get rid of it. you dont know how a woman got pregnant. RAPE, DRUNK RAPE, DRUNK SEX, ETC. you have no FUCKING IDEA what happened so if you're against abortion give me a REAL FUCKING REASON besides


FUCK THAT!!!! a baby doesnt even have lungs until its almost time for it to pop out so dont bring that bull in my face. put it with someone who gives a damn about that


daddy is getting me a car this summer. momma already got me a car and its paid off and everything so we are going to trade it in for any car that i want and i have to choose 3 brands. so many good choices that actually save gas. ugghh

well thats it for now



Sep. 13th, 2010

today is my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im now 18 and loving it so far. cant wait to experience my entire birthday week!!!!! going shoppin later. CANT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ok so A LOT of things has happened since my last entry. first, the one i love is getting married but now im very happy for her. im proud that she found someone to call her own.

second: i have someone new. he's sweet, loveable, generous, and very awesome. this month will make 4 months and that makes me very proud that we have been together that long. i hope that we are together way longer than that.

third: i graduated a while ago and now im in college. its going good. im kind of behind because i havent been able to get to a computer but now i have and its good. im excited to transfer after this year. cant wait

fourth: i will be 18 tomorrow so im SUPER excited. ill be getting my first car this weekend (HOPEFULLY) and then ill be set for good unless my car ends up acting up or something.

fifth: i have had a lot of ups and downs but im glad i have because ive grown up more than i ever thought i would. some things are definitely meant to change for the better and im glad they did.

well this is it for right now. cant wait to tell you more!!!!!

love ya

see ya